Choking on the toes

Image by Gemma Longman

I'm on a roll. I can stick my foot in my mouth so quickly that you can see an anklebone in my throat. Last night, after hearing that a lady had slipped down the stairs of the auditorium and needed to be taken by ambulance to the hospital before the second graders started their winter concert, I yelled to my daughter, "Break a leg!" and today, I just responded to a very good friend who recently lost everything in a fire, "BOOM!" after hearing some good news. Slick move, Graham.


I'm nowhere in the league of the Duck Dynasty patriarch and his recent douchebaggery, but I can tell you that at the end of another daughter's parent/teacher conference with her French teacher, I thanked him and told him we'd get out of his hair now. The man is completely bald.

I ran.