Love's Sweet Pickle: More Zombie Poetry

I was recently asked to perform zombie poetry at a venue in DC. While I turned down the opportunity because I look terrible in a beret, it did get me thinking about something down the road with all these ditties littering my hard drive. Anyone up for a chapbook of Undead poetry?

Some of these have been featured on the Zombie Dating Guide website at the Coffeehouse of the Damned but I'll throw in a few more that may have escaped the shackles.

In honor of Father's Day:

Just a little zombie ditty for you to share with dad
To reminisce & bond over good times that you've had

Chasing down the other kids on the big playground
Your zombie dad, he'd throw a head for your big touchdown

Pushing you on swings was a challenge that he met
His hands would often fall off but he never seemed to fret

He'd laugh a bit and push with stumps a smile on his face
Because he knew had a spare for the three-legged race

A birthday poem:
Just a little zombie song
Though they’re really hard to train
They like to sing falsetto
While munching on your brain

Your eyes pop out their nostrils
And ears come out their cheeks
And all the while your birthday cake
Will fester there for weeks

But fear not, my Undead friend
For they will move along
There’s always someone down the road
To hear their birthday song.

Though our hearts are pulled asunder

Through our fights and many blunders

This is what you ought to know

Before you burn my stuff and go

You want to know what’s in my head?
I left it for you under the bed.

Zombie sing-along
Just a little zombie verse
They come around when you've been cursed

They pop up when the end is near
And hope they catch you by the ear

As they nibble, they'll be hummin'
On your intestines, they'll be strummin'

And sing about the one that fled
But luckily they kept his head

 Slightly moldy

Two hearts beat as though as one
Dried and putrid but more fun

No one could ever argue with
As zombies share lovers kiss

Slightly moldy, missing toes
The love between them always grows

Chin up, zombie singletons!

    There is no law that the brokenhearted
    Must be withered, and thus departed

    For those who loved and then had lost
    May find again at any cost

    A heart so true, they're quick to heal
    And gain themselves a tasty meal

Love's Sweet Pickle

    It's the little things that mean so much
    Like toes and fingers, eyes and such

    But search within for love's sweet call
    As zombies stagger, trip and fall

    They don't give up, though heads are fickle
    A zombie's heart is love's sweet pickle.

Eyebrows fried are quite a dish
    Eyebrows fried are quite a dish
    They make the other zombies wish

    That they had someone to admire
    While they stay away from fire

    The daring of a zombie male
    Competes as other zombies pale

    In feats of stumbling to and fro
    In love matters this they know

    That hearts are fragile as they feel
    They are the finest zombie meal


    Stiffness comes not from the bones
    Nor from our thoughts when we're alone

    It comes when we are separated
    From our loved ones, we are gated

    To stand apart and watch them live
    And ask their beating hearts to give

    One glance our way, one stolen kiss
    One tiny finger they won't miss

    We cannot reach them, no not yet
    But one day soon, those brains we'll get.


    Snowflakes melt on tongues
    but not the ones in pockets
    zombies saves for snacks


    There once was a zombie named Horace
    Who thought he would join the new chorus

    His heart all a flutter
    He came down with a stutter

    And now there's no chorus for Horace

The toes, they burn

    Holiday parties
    zombies sniff the cheese tray and
    eat the mistletoe

Care to share your own zombie poem? Coffeehouse snaps are waiting, baby!

Get your own magnetic zombie poetry kit from our friends at

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