Open letter to future besties based on Facebook sidebar recommendations

Hello, random people on my sidebar! Facebook is positive we'll be besties in no time so there are a few things I should tell you before I hit the "friend me" button:

- I hate being tickled. I will throw up on you, and then possibly junkpunch you for being a jerk

- I like to eat weird food, so if you have a hankering for haggis, I'm your girl.

- I had no nickname growing up. I am cool with that, so don't try to call me the Staceter or Stace-a-rooni or Spacey. Refer to highlight #1, with less vomit.

- I love my readers and live for the day that I see one of the tarot cards as a festive tattoo. Just not on the face since your job prospects may go down and I'll feel semi-responsible for feeding you.

It's go-time, new friends! Except the guy without a shirt on. You'll have to wait. 

'Twas the night before zombies: A Christmas poem

Just a little kiss under the
missing toe

'Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the house

The zombies were waking

And chasing a mouse

Their stomachs were hungry

And needs were not met

They needed their brains

So in darkness they crept

Oh, they were quiet

And yes, they slipped by

But what to their questioning eye did they spy?

A round man so jolly, so fat and so tasty

They cared not a whit that his skin was so pasty

They snuck up behind him, ignoring the elves

The fat man was busy just loading up shelves

With sweetmeats and candies, with jars of fresh toes

It was then that the zombies came down in droves

How could they eat him? They fretted and pondered

Was it was bad manners to eat those who wandered?

One elf tried to warn him, to give him a sign

But too late was the signal, they were already in line



Get down with your bad elf, and happy holidays!
Stace

Time for an office makeover

My to-do list for 2014 is already growing:

• Connect more with my readers  (the best part of this gig!)
• NF book proposals
• Short story subs
• More fiction -- MG and PB
• Writing conferences -- Have a favorite? Please tell me which ones in the comments
• More Ghoul Schools
• Book clubs
• Blogs: Guest posts
• Write more questionable zombie poetry

But first this beast of an office needs a face lift. Right now, the space holds two full-sized desks, a smaller table, a bookcase, a grandma chair, two office chairs, and a loveseat. It's s'not that spacious in here, people. 

Choking on the toes

Image by Gemma Longman

I'm on a roll. I can stick my foot in my mouth so quickly that you can see an anklebone in my throat. Last night, after hearing that a lady had slipped down the stairs of the auditorium and needed to be taken by ambulance to the hospital before the second graders started their winter concert, I yelled to my daughter, "Break a leg!" and today, I just responded to a very good friend who recently lost everything in a fire, "BOOM!" after hearing some good news. Slick move, Graham.